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Thursday, April 4, 2013

...went like this...

FAMOUS PERSON: Hey this is______________. Need to train for my next tour. Heard you H.A.M
ME: Sorry for the pause. I just had my mind blown. Thanks for calling!
FP: Yeah. Right. So I can pay you $$$$$$$. How long it take to look like this.
ME: How much time I got?
FP: 3 months.
ME: Be here tomorrow at 8a.
FP:(silence) uh ok. Just checkn my schedule......c ya.

FP:(leaves message)Skip! Damn. Drake, lil Wayne came in stayed up till 6am talkn bout that Bosch s#%t Miami Heat drama. Can I come in later!!
ME: Damn N$%%a!. WTF? That's why I don't like training celebs...Hey bring me some muligrain pancakes and scrambled eggs.

ME: Welcome to BSI and what's with the entourage?
FP: They wanted to train with me. LL train'em and they wanna..
ME: LL?! Saw the book.Really?!....[I laugh] momma should've have knocked his ass  out for that amateur s#@t. Let him know to consult me on second edition...Oh. Did I tell u I'm work'n on a rap album with Vanilla Ice?!!.
ENTOURAGE: I will call right now and let him know.
ME: If you get'em let me speaks.
FP: I'm ready.
ENTOURAGE: LL said he will kick yo ass..but down with next edition! Gave him your number.
ME to ENTOURAGE: Tell him he will walk over here but he will limb back...I ain't no soft celebrity besides it will  be good publicity.: Skip v. LL...I got family to protect too. I heard he f#$%&d up that home intruder. Well done LL...
ME: Uhh. You training in those Timb's and bling?
FP:Yeah. N#$%^a!!
ME: Cool. So 2 bells on jump rope. 15 assisted chin ups. 3 bells on Versaclimber. (I look to lobby) Hey! Entourage. LL got a versaclimber!!??...yeah. didn't think so.
FP: hold up. gotta take these chains off and change into my barefoot Nike
ME:(in my head: soft MFer)..

AFTER 15 MIN.....
FP: (on x-bike sweat'n like a run away slave. Pandora plays his hit song) Ohhhhhh shit. Now you play'n my jam!
ME: Yeah. Gloves on....(etc)

SESSION ENDS AFTER 45 minutes...
FP: Hey that was some hard ass innovative shit. I been with a lot trainers. You don't be bullshitn. Let LL and my 'inner circle' know they need to call you. Real noyce!!!
ME: Flattered. Same time tomorrow?
FP: Yup. (shouts) Pookie! pay the man.
ME: Whoa! this is way too much brugh!
FP: Skip. You the real deal. Like the vibe. You need one on both coasts! We'll talk.  LL...
ME: LL again!. He is NOT a trainer. He just put some shit together and sold it cause of his name.(takes back bundle in jest. then returns it.]. No disrespect. Hey. I told you bout my thing with Vanilla Ice.
FP: (whole room laughing loud. Tripping)Sensitive. ain't you
ME: Yeah. Many REAL trainers get tired of celebs getting paid off OUR expertise when all they did was take what their trainers did..........hey; you bring those pancakes?
FP: Here....
ME: You got hot sauce! [laughing hard]
POOKIE: Never leave home wit out it!
ME: (I take hot sauce)....
...The End

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